Letters to be Forgotten
by starkidklainer
Summary: It's been a while since Kurt's seen Blaine and a sudden arrival in the post triggers an unhealed wound to open again.


**So this is just a weird little thing that wrote itself tonight...**

**Enjoy.**

**Letters to be Forgotten**

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><p>Kurt sat in the middle of his living room floor, clutching the envelope that felt as if it were already burning it's message into his palms. It was begging to be opened and Kurt could feel the eyes of it's sender on him as he traced the flowing writing that invaded the perfect white background with his name.<p>

_Kurt._

Blaine's writing hadn't changed. It had remained the same loopy, soft, yet slightly messy script as it was in high-school. Kurt realised that some things just never change. Seeing his name there and knowing that it was Blaine's doing was already sending shivers throughout Kurt's body, and he knew that whatever this envelope held was going to provide a new source of pain. Because sometimes razors just wouldn't do.

The room was empty. Cold. It seemed to scream silently everything that Kurt had become.

He knew he shouldn't read it. He shouldn't make himself endure the torture of the words that he would see written in Blaine's elegant hand. He shouldn't let himself remember everything that once was.

He couldn't help it.

Kurt ripped the seal with unsteady hands and pulled out a single sheet of paper that had been folded in half. Slowly, shakily, he unfolded the page to reveal the message hidden underneath.

Kurt blinked back the blurring tears, trying his best to absorb every detail of the letter.

Every word he read felt like a well deserved stab to the chest with a blunt knife.

_There was once a time when you looked at me with the warmth of a thousand stars._

_You smiled like you could feel all of the life pulsing through the earth._

_You loved as if you'd never known pain._

_In the past you laughed with the purity of shimmering morning dew._

_You were gentle as the wind caressing the leaves of an old oak tree._

_And long ago, you said that we were forever._

_Now you look at me with an icy glare that sends chills through my entire body._

_You cry like death is all that surrounds you._

_You are indifferent as if you're made of stone._

_This time you grimace as if the entire world is made of dust._

_You are harsh as winter upon the most beautiful flower._

_Today, forever has come and gone._

_Kurt, I know you said you never wanted to see me again. You said you wish you could forget all about me. And I know that I mean nothing to you now. But I wanted you to read this. I wanted you to know that I still love you Kurt. I always will love you. Even if you don't love me back. Look at the photo. Remember what once was._

Kurt threw the paper down harshly to the floor. It seemed as if all the tears he'd prevented from falling all these years had finally broken free, and now there was no stopping them.

Blaine was wrong. He is the only thing that Kurt loves. Blaine is the only thing ever on Kurt's mind. Blaine is the only reason Kurt is still alive. All those nights that he had sat there with a bottle of pills, or a razor inches from his pulsing vein, the though of Blaine had been the only thing stopping him from cutting too deep, from overdosing and letting everything go.

Kurt had said goodbye to Blaine because he thought he needed to. He thought strong, independent Blaine was much better of without him. Without weak, childish Kurt. He could be frustrating to a fault, and he knew that. He didn't want to stick around long enough for Blaine to realise he wasn't everything he'd thought he was. So Kurt had said goodbye, acting as if he couldn't care less. He thought if he acted that way that Blaine would find it easier to let go. Easier to move on.

Kurt was wrong.

After all these years, he still receives missed calls and letters from his former boyfriend. Every single time felt as if he was reliving their separation all over again. Every single time opened up the wound that had never healed.

And every single time, Kurt had to remind himself that he couldn't go back.

Not after all he'd done to Blaine. It would never be the same. It _could_ never be the same.

He reached his fingers gently into the envelope and grasped between them the photo Blaine had mentioned. He pulled it out, refusing to look at it until his desire to see the image overpowered his fear.

It was their prom photograph.

Blaine's ridiculous squinty eyed smile absolutely glowed with joy beside his own and Kurt found himself laughing. They had believed in so much back then, oblivious to so many of life's harsh realities.

Kurt sobered quickly and stared at the old photo with a defeated expression. As he got up off the floor, he wiped his face a little too roughly on his sleeve, causing it to scrunch up around his elbow and reveal the ugly, scarred skin of his once perfect forearm. He dragged his thumb over each separate flaw on his arm, each a reminder of how much he'd fucked up.

He made his way over to the set of drawers next to his lonely single bed and filed the letter and the photograph away in a drawer neatly overflowing with memories.

He didn't deserve Blaine.

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><p><strong>Reviews are always welcome :3<strong>

**I hope it was alright.**


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